well the summer of eighth grade was a pretty crappy one at first i didnt do anything at all for the longest time, eventually i went to the pool out of boredom, and met a boy. this boy was the same height as me and had acne a wierd shaped face and black hair that swooped to the side. he talked to me which was crazy for me i mean he wasnt the most amazing looking guy ever but he was a guy and i had never been talked to by a boy before me all 5 foot 10 inches of skin and bones was excited as hell. he was a smoker, and he was in a relationship he broke off after he met me. he made me believe he was the most amazing guy in the world always telling me about things he had done with the popular guys. he introduced me to all the same bands i listen to now, and he was eventually my first kiss, and my first love. he introduced me to my neighbor i had been living by since 7th grade but ill tell you about that later. he started out as a pretty good guy but as soon as high school started he was a jerk he hurt my feelings constantly and i wasnt alowed to talk to any boys other than him. so i went to lunch with a bunch of guys and we broke up. he pulled me out of class and told me i was a useless whore even though all we did was kiss. i was devistated.
at my dads house i lost trust because of things that they heard i was doing, which i never did. i lost everything i was alone my friends wouldnt talk to me because i never put time out for them and it just turned into me and all the other loner kids who had no place. i started cutting i did often and wore long sleeve shirts and hoodies to cover it up. i cryed all the time. three days after i broke up with him i started dating this kid who thought he was pretty hot shit he never talked to me or anything so i just stopped talking to him.
then things got better... well you know that boy who lived next door this is where he comes into play... from the moment i met him and looked into his eyes everything was perfect it was like nothing else mattered. he was mine before i even knew his name and i was his. we started dating before i stopped dating the kid i was dating before... yeah its complicated... he was like my first kiss all over again but in human form, he is tall and has dark hair and pale skin and a go t that looks fine... he has extensive amounts of body hair, and he always smells amazing. our first kiss was a fail but it made me melt. our first makeout was wonderful though after some practice and our first everything else was like we were made for eachother. wer like two puzzle pieces that were made to fit togethr. my friends loved me again. my parents trusted me again. my heart was healed with just a little scar that goes away little by little every moment were together.
my freshman summer was the summer i got so much. i got to hang out all the time. i got to makeout with my love. i learned that i have a serious nac for sexual things. i also learned that i was a beautiful person. he brought me back to life when i was dead. he guided me to my path. and even though i dont believe in god very much anymore sometimes. i still believe in my love hes my guardian angel. i stopped cutting, smoking, crying, and all the negative things. he made me the way i was before my parents split up. that person was long gone and he put me back the way i was.
from him to me:
" i may be the string but your the clasp that holds us together."
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
my story if anyone even cares
im just going to start over again with my blog and tell you my story bit by bit until im back to where i am now... my name is Vanessa, im 15 and 3/4ths years old and my life has changed alot these past few years... i lost my friends and gained them back and my whole world is so different than it used to be. we'll start from 7th grade which is when i made this to now...
it started on a hot first day of school, i met my best friend(ex)... she walked into the room and i jumped out of my seat and said sit by me and didnt even notice that people were staring at me like i just took my shirt off. not embarassed at all i sat back down... within the first five minutes of class i got kicked out of my seat by the teacher and moved to the center of the room( the lions den, where all the kids who are cool judge the crap outta you until you cant take it anymore) i didnt mind much i just kept my head down and didnt bother... that was a big year for me it turned out not only did i start my period (sorry for bringing that up but it was a very traumatic expierience) but not soon after that my parents got a divorce. i was broken i just pretended it didnt happen i kept making excuses to why i shouldnt be so surprised. they fought all the time, my dad was rude and chose the opposite side that my mom was on in any arguement even if he didnt know what he was talking about, my mom didnt wanna be there anymore so she just... left.
she moved into one of her friends houses in town, i had never lived on town before so it was exciting too bad i couldnt enjoy it, and one day raking leaves cuz i felt like it i heard my name being called from next door sure enough it was my best friend. she was grounded to her room which was a referbished shed in her back yard a cute, secluded, awesome room to have if you asked me.. but she shared it with her brothers... so... yeah... every day i was at my moms id sit in a lawn chair and talk to her no matter how cold it got. but not even two months after we moved into my moms friends house we moved out again to a cute little blue townhouse about a block away. it was almost christmas so we set everything up that we could afford. my mom slept on an inflatable mattress on the floor of her room and i slept on an old twin matress in the spare room that me and my brother shared, and my brother ussually took the living room. the house was so cute and had a small very warm fireplace in the corner with a switch to turn it on no dish washer tho. we lived there for a year. not even three months after we moved in my mom introduced us to a man that would later be my step dad. a medium tall stature man, with a very handsome, young looking face he was very nice, very inviting and very funny, my brother didnt take to him as fast as i would expect but now they are good friends i on the other hand loved him from the start.
my dad not soon after found a small woman with red hair and a wide toothy smile. she was short and very sweet and she later became my stepmom. i met her on my thirteenth birthday at fudd ruckers. i talked to her about school, who i liked and didnt like, and everything about me then. like we had been friends for so long and i hadnt seen her in forever. about a week later i learned she had three kids... wow not the best thing to find out when your father is considering marrying her. but i lived didnt i. she lived 40 miles away.
my moms boyfriend moved in a few months after we met him. and one day my mom sat me and my brother down and cleared her throat... deep down i knew what was coming but i just needed to hear it. she said she was having a baby. she was three months pregnant. my parents had been split for two years by now. and it hadnt slowed down in fact everything around me seemed to speed up while i sat wasting my time getting bad grades and helping around the house as quiet as i could be. i was so happy for my mom and my dad but the fact that no one wanted to know what i felt inside kind of hurt. so i kept to myself.
at school a new year had started. i met three new friends. and my best friend had started spending alot of time with my other new friend so i didnt have anyone to turn to. i kept to myself there too.
my dad had told me his girlfriend was moving in and her kids too. and they would start going to my school. and they put her house up for rent. life was spinning so fast i didnt get a breather or anything. i was so lost... so i went to my mom. she was about six or seven months pregnant then. i talked to her alot and we soon became best friends. her boyfriend had purposed durring a thanksgiving feast and they were about to start planning. the baby boy was due in february and would delay the wedding.. he had amazing blue eyes that penetrated your soul and made you so happy and unsure of the truth. the rest of she school year just kind of floated by and soon enough 8th grade graduation came up.
the weekend before my friends and i decided to take a camping trip to a lake nearby. we all got our girl things and sunburned to death. all except me and i didnt even use sun screen. i tan so easily. the ceremony flew by. and off to the worst and best summer so far of my life which will be told next entry.
thanks for reading if you even saw this. i love you all... good bye.
it started on a hot first day of school, i met my best friend(ex)... she walked into the room and i jumped out of my seat and said sit by me and didnt even notice that people were staring at me like i just took my shirt off. not embarassed at all i sat back down... within the first five minutes of class i got kicked out of my seat by the teacher and moved to the center of the room( the lions den, where all the kids who are cool judge the crap outta you until you cant take it anymore) i didnt mind much i just kept my head down and didnt bother... that was a big year for me it turned out not only did i start my period (sorry for bringing that up but it was a very traumatic expierience) but not soon after that my parents got a divorce. i was broken i just pretended it didnt happen i kept making excuses to why i shouldnt be so surprised. they fought all the time, my dad was rude and chose the opposite side that my mom was on in any arguement even if he didnt know what he was talking about, my mom didnt wanna be there anymore so she just... left.
she moved into one of her friends houses in town, i had never lived on town before so it was exciting too bad i couldnt enjoy it, and one day raking leaves cuz i felt like it i heard my name being called from next door sure enough it was my best friend. she was grounded to her room which was a referbished shed in her back yard a cute, secluded, awesome room to have if you asked me.. but she shared it with her brothers... so... yeah... every day i was at my moms id sit in a lawn chair and talk to her no matter how cold it got. but not even two months after we moved into my moms friends house we moved out again to a cute little blue townhouse about a block away. it was almost christmas so we set everything up that we could afford. my mom slept on an inflatable mattress on the floor of her room and i slept on an old twin matress in the spare room that me and my brother shared, and my brother ussually took the living room. the house was so cute and had a small very warm fireplace in the corner with a switch to turn it on no dish washer tho. we lived there for a year. not even three months after we moved in my mom introduced us to a man that would later be my step dad. a medium tall stature man, with a very handsome, young looking face he was very nice, very inviting and very funny, my brother didnt take to him as fast as i would expect but now they are good friends i on the other hand loved him from the start.
my dad not soon after found a small woman with red hair and a wide toothy smile. she was short and very sweet and she later became my stepmom. i met her on my thirteenth birthday at fudd ruckers. i talked to her about school, who i liked and didnt like, and everything about me then. like we had been friends for so long and i hadnt seen her in forever. about a week later i learned she had three kids... wow not the best thing to find out when your father is considering marrying her. but i lived didnt i. she lived 40 miles away.
my moms boyfriend moved in a few months after we met him. and one day my mom sat me and my brother down and cleared her throat... deep down i knew what was coming but i just needed to hear it. she said she was having a baby. she was three months pregnant. my parents had been split for two years by now. and it hadnt slowed down in fact everything around me seemed to speed up while i sat wasting my time getting bad grades and helping around the house as quiet as i could be. i was so happy for my mom and my dad but the fact that no one wanted to know what i felt inside kind of hurt. so i kept to myself.
at school a new year had started. i met three new friends. and my best friend had started spending alot of time with my other new friend so i didnt have anyone to turn to. i kept to myself there too.
my dad had told me his girlfriend was moving in and her kids too. and they would start going to my school. and they put her house up for rent. life was spinning so fast i didnt get a breather or anything. i was so lost... so i went to my mom. she was about six or seven months pregnant then. i talked to her alot and we soon became best friends. her boyfriend had purposed durring a thanksgiving feast and they were about to start planning. the baby boy was due in february and would delay the wedding.. he had amazing blue eyes that penetrated your soul and made you so happy and unsure of the truth. the rest of she school year just kind of floated by and soon enough 8th grade graduation came up.
the weekend before my friends and i decided to take a camping trip to a lake nearby. we all got our girl things and sunburned to death. all except me and i didnt even use sun screen. i tan so easily. the ceremony flew by. and off to the worst and best summer so far of my life which will be told next entry.
thanks for reading if you even saw this. i love you all... good bye.
Friday, March 12, 2010
blue
yo dawgs!! haha, just kidding! im not a gangster... well, actually... no, no, nevermind.lol... so havnt been on for about a year!! forgot i had this site but nobody even reads this so its okay... wow, i had a boyfriend now and my mom lives in laurel and im in highschool and heres a twist i have a baby brother now wooo hes just so cute mom and jeremy got married and my life is sooooo different i actually kind of miss last year a lott i have more friends but they arn't as close as they were well shania is actually closer to me now were like two peas in a pod lalala im so bored well not to be rude but see you your not exciting enough!! just kidding you know i love you all
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